Day Nineteen: A Heavy Heart, But a Determined Spirit
January 26, 2025
I chose to take a short break from writing, so today, you'll receive a weekend wrap-up.
In recent days, the unexpected dismissal of 17 Inspectors General has posed challenges, surprising my profession and discouraging a community devoted to accountability and public service. I have spent the last 25 years in this field, focused on fighting fraud, waste, and abuse, and this development feels like a significant setback. Federal Inspectors General are crucial watchdogs, fostering transparency and protecting public trust in government. Their independence is vital for effective governance, and any threat should not be ignored.
I’m not here to question or criticize the decisions that led to removing the IGs. Instead, I want to focus on what I’ve witnessed firsthand—the leadership qualities embodied by my own IG. He is a man of unwavering principle who approaches every situation with a steadfast moral compass and an unrelenting commitment to doing what is right. Even in the most challenging circumstances, he stands firm in his integrity, making decisions rooted in fairness and ethics.
What distinguishes him is his unwavering dedication to the mission and his deep commitment to those he leads. He prioritizes his team's well-being, development, and success, fostering an atmosphere where everyone feels appreciated and supported. He combines high expectations with empathy, ensuring accountability while acknowledging the human intricacies of our work. He remains a calm and steady influence during uncertain times, guiding with clarity and purpose. He listens attentively, values diverse viewpoints, and encourages collaboration in a manner that instills confidence and trust.
His leadership has shown me that genuine strength is found not in authority but in gaining trust, uplifting others, and steadfastly adhering to your principles—even when the way forward is unclear. I will deem my career successful if I can mirror even a tiny part of his integrity, inspirational ability, and commitment to the mission and the team.
I have also had the privilege of knowing and working with several of the other Inspectors General who were terminated. Like my own IG, they are individuals of exceptional character—non-political, deeply dedicated to their mission, and driven by an unwavering commitment to public service. Their expertise, institutional knowledge, and steadfast integrity make them irreplaceable in the fight against fraud, waste, and abuse within the federal government. Their removal is not just a professional loss; it leaves a significant void in the effort to ensure accountability and transparency.
Inspector Generals exist within civilian and military workforces, sharing a common mission to maintain accountability and integrity. However, they differ in scope, structure, and specific duties. Here's an overview of their distinctions:
If you're interested in understanding the important tasks of the Federal Inspector General community, I recommend visiting ignet.gov. Furthermore, the remarkable efforts of IGs during the pandemic are recorded at pandemicoversight.gov
On a personal level, I used this weekend to pause, reflect, and reset. Maria and I spent some time thrift shopping. This lighthearted escape also served as a reminder of the value of repurposing and finding beauty in what might otherwise be overlooked. It’s a metaphor for my life lately. I’ve started “debriding”—letting go of what no longer serves me and embracing the utility and joy in what remains. We also donated several boxes of books to the local library this weekend. It was harder than I expected. Some of those books had been with me for decades, yet I hadn’t opened them in years. Letting them go was bittersweet but necessary, and it felt good to make space—physically and emotionally—for what’s next.
Physically, I’ve been preparing for the journey ahead. Staying active, eating well, and prioritizing protein intake have been key parts of my routine. Since April 2024, I’ve gone from 230 pounds to the 170s—a change initially credited to better habits but later revealed to be influenced by my diagnosis. This week, I hope to begin treatment with a regimen known as N+AVD—nivolumab combined with doxorubicin, vinblastine, and dacarbazine.
The fight against Hodgkin’s lymphoma is more than just a medical challenge; it’s a test of resilience, preparation, and perspective. I’ve been reading extensively and arming myself with knowledge, knowing that understanding what lies ahead is empowering. Encouragingly, my kidney function numbers have improved significantly, and I feel stronger than I did just a few weeks ago.
During this journey, my family has been my strongest source of support. Their unwavering encouragement and support remind me of my resilient heritage. Every call, text, and message from them recently has uplifted me and bolstered my determination—a heartfelt thank you to my cousins for sharing their stories and motivating me.
This weekend, Noah returned home from school to help out around the house. Despite frequently being occupied with his friends, his presence provides a sense of calm and stability. Ethan has also been remarkable, consistently offering assistance whenever I require it. His support has been a blessing, giving Maria some relief from her worries. Having such a strong family by my side fills me with gratitude and hope.
This week seems like the start of something positive. I feel more robust—physically, emotionally, and mentally—and I’m prepared to tackle what lies ahead. If you’re reading this and facing difficulties, remember there is always hope and strength in the journey, and you are never truly alone. It might come from your family, at times from a friend, a kind stranger, or even a silent acknowledgment that you are not alone. Embrace that light, however it reaches you, and allow it to propel you onward.