Scourge of my Soul
January 23, 2025
When does one truly begin to fear what festers within themselves? Is it when they first hear the word, the diagnosis that sticks like a thorn in their mind? Or is it when they start to see the effects, when the invisible enemy reveals itself in undeniable ways, stealing pieces of them bit by bit? It was today when I saw it.
To the Scourge in my Shadow:
I sit here now, staring at the picture, my heart pounding, my breath shallow. I can't stop looking. It’s worse than I thought—far worse—you little bastard. You’ve crept into my bones, invaded my sanctuary, and now you thrive where you don’t belong. Fuck you. I can’t wait for the day you’re burned out of me, reduced to ash and a bad memory.
You’re an unwelcome guest in what should be the twilight of my life. These were supposed to be my golden years, filled with love, joy, and the dreams my wife and I have been building together for decades. We’ve waited so long for this time, yet here you are, standing between us, challenging me, mocking me with your presence.
But let me make one thing clear: I don’t lose. Not to you. I will fight you with every ounce of strength I have. I will suffer, endure, and claw my way through every moment of pain if that’s what it takes. I’ll bleed, I’ll cry, I’ll crawl, but I will not let you win.
You’re not just stealing my time but also time from my family—my boys and my incredible wife. You’re a shadow over our dreams, a weight on the moments we should be spending laughing, loving, and living. You’re a thief, and I hate you for it.
You don’t just take from me. You steal from my friends, my loved ones, the people who care for me but don’t know how to speak through the heavy silence you’ve created. You drain their energy, hope, and smiles, leaving them unsure of how to support me and stand beside me as I fight this battle. You are not just an unwelcome visitor—you’re a parasite, feeding off everyone I hold dear.
But here’s the thing: you think you’ve got the advantage. You think time is on your side. You think you can wear me down, chip away at me until there’s nothing left but a broken-down husk of what I was before you arrived.
But you don’t know me.
You don’t know the depths of my resolve, the fire that burns in me. I am me. And you, little fucker, haven’t seen the extent of my commitment to beating you yet.
I will fight for my wife, the love of my life, my boys, who deserve to see their father unbroken, and my friends, who see me as strength and bravery rolled into one. I will fight even if I am the only one who can see the potential for loss. I will fight for my dreams, for the time you’re trying to steal from me. I will fight because I am not done, and you do not get to decide when my story ends.
And let me tell you something else: it’s not just me you’re up against. Behind me stands an unstoppable force you cannot comprehend. My wife, my boys, my friends, my family—they’re with me. Their love fuels me, their hope strengthens me, and their belief in me is a shield you will never break. You aren’t just facing one person. You’re facing all of us, and together, we are fierce.
You’ve made a grave mistake by choosing me. You thought I was an easy target, but you’ve underestimated the power of those who stand with me. You’ve picked a fight with an army, and we will not rest until you are nothing but a memory in my notebook.
This is my life, my fight, and you will never take it from me. Never.